Stranger Things Have Happened

I have a confession to make.

I'm addicted to trashy TV shows. And I mean trashy. I love Cheaters, Maury, and Jerry Springer, mostly because they make me feel so much better about my own life (which normally I like just fine, except for the whole unemployment = no money = no new pretties for me). Every time I see a woman on TV, almost invariably poor and undereducated, bawling away because she doesn't know who her baby daddy is, I can't help but smile. I believe the Germans refer to this feeling as schafenfreude.

Since I am unemployed and have no money, I can only take pleasure in the little things in life, such as not having a philandering or abusive significant other, and that none of my family members are sleeping with each other. There is nothing like hearing the saga of a woman who doesn't know if her child's father is her husband or mom's fiance to light a fire under my ass and get those resumes flying out of my printer. There's just something incredibly satisfying about watching a real-life drama unfold before you from the safety of your couch and knowing that there is no way it can affect you.

That's not entirely the case for my family, however. Three of my mom's sisters visited the Jerry Springer Show (as AUDIENCE MEMBERS, my dear readers, not GUESTS!), and while I have never watched the footage of this particular episode, I am reliably informed that at least one of my aunts is visible during the show. She stood up to address one of the guests on stage, a woman with violently and patently fake orange hair.

'Hey, you, with the Bozo hair!'

The rest of her scathing remark was drowned out by howls of outrage from the people on stage, and cheers from the audience. The insulted guest lunged for my aunt, so quickly that she later said she didn't even realize what was happening until the muscle-bound security officers moved to intercept. They successfully dragged the woman off, probably accompanied by a string of epithets that would make a sailor blush. As far as I know, the remainder of the episode passed without incident - nothing in which my relatives played a part, at least. After the show, Jerry Springer went around greeting some of the guests, and arrived at my aunts. My aunt (wanting just a little more drama...what can I say? It runs in the family), after meeting Jerry, helpfully pointed out that her older sister next to her was single. Jerry then took her hand, kissed it, and said, "I'm rich," in the manner of an adult trying to entice a child with a particularly tasty treat. The idea of him being my uncle, for as entertaining as I find him, makes my skin crawl.

My aunt has since married, and I am grateful for the near escape. Admittedly, if he had become family, I would never be lost for tasteless entertainment again, and I could have spent my days mercilessly heckling guests while peering from behind the security guards. But I don't think the sacrifice would have been worth it. Once someone like that becomes family, that television carnival changes from being a source of great amusement to downright mortifying.

Still, if I ever decide to visit Jerry Springer or a similar show, I have no intentions of keeping my mouth shut...but I draw the line at marriage.

Oh Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)

After much deliberation and hemming and hawing on my part, we have decided to move back to Michigan. I figured that it would be less stressful to not have to worry about rent & utilities while we get back on our feet. I wish we didn't have to move so far away from my family, especially Diana, and Ben certainly isn't crazy about moving back in with his parents (it has to be his versus mine since my folks won't take in Jack), but I'm really excited about being near old friends again.

Other things I love about Michigan:
- 10 cents on bottle returns (you get nothing in Illinois)
- general familiarity with the area
- Greenfield Village (Ben has never been there, and I have soooo many wonderful childhood - memories from their Discovery Camp day camp)
- closer proximity to Cedar Point
- 70 mph speed limits on the highway!
- more than one store chain that sells Faygo soda (honestly, I'd be lost without their orange soda)
- being a hop skip and a jump from Windsor (and Patrick O'Ryan's bar)
- being able to watch Pistons, Red Wings, and U of M football games without fail
- not too far from Chicago so we can still make weekend visits
- finally making it to a Tigers game at Comerica
- good snowboarding prospects

Yes, I am fully aware of Michigan's economic state, but let me assure you, the Chicago suburbs are not faring much better...at least as far as I can tell from my searches on careerbuilder.com and monster.com
I of course won't be ruling out a return to the Land of Lincoln if an employment opportunity presents itself. But I'll be hanging in Troy for the time being.

Every Dog Has Its Day

For most of my childhood I have wanted a dog.  This desire was fueled primarily by the book Where the Red Fern Grows, and by my dad's absolute refusal to get one.  In hindsight, his logic was sound.  Our home was quite small (a starter home with three bedrooms that ended up housing six people), with a correspondingly small yard.  In addition, we traveled frequently.  Yet the thought was never entirely far from my mind.

While on a business trip in Texas this past November, a number of my colleagues got to talking about family pets.  When I mentioned having always wanted a dog, my roommate asked, "Well, why don't you get one?"  With a thrill of realization, I thought, why not?  I was living on my own for the first time, and my boyfriend Ben had recently lost his cat to feline leukemia.  

Upon my return, we visited several pet stores, and considered buying a gorgeous boxer puppy (but balked at her $1200 price tag), before ultimately deciding on a male golden retriever puppy.  He caught my eye at the pet store, lying in the window with the side of his face pressed up against the glass, much like I used to do to help pass the boredom of long car rides.  I named him Jack.  It has been a trying few months, but I would not trade them for the world.  Particularly now that I am unemployed, he is my constant companion while Ben is at work.  Even now, as I type this, he is under my left arm, nudging insistently to get me off the computer and go play.  He is adorable, playful, rarely moody, and I love him.