There's A Class For This

Famous People I Have Met*

- Bob Saget

- DeForest Kelley

- Sylvester McCoy

- Mo Rocca

- Mary Lynn Rajskub

- Dustin Diamond

- Bill Nye the Science Guy

*spoken to/took a picture with/stalked by/got an autograph from/was hit on by

Famous People I Have Seen

- Margaret Cho

- Mitch Albom

- John Cleese

- Chris Carrabba

- Jon Stewart

- Brent Spiner (yes, seriously)

- Justin Berfield

- Janet Reno

There might be more - there are probably more - so I'll add to the list as I remember them.  It's just a list I'd thought of compiling the other day, just for fun.  And yes, I know, not all of you necessarily consider all of these people to be 'famous'.  But hey, I've never exactly lived in an area (southeast MI, central NY, suburban Chicago) where celebrities flock, so I'll take what I can get.

And yes Frank, I know, I'm not as cool as you cause I haven't met Jim Gaffigan yet.  But I will.  So there.

We Were Sad But Now We're Rebuilding

OK, I know, I know...keeping up with my blog = EPIC FAIL

I'm sorry.

But it seems like every Joe Sixpack and Jane Winebox is putting in their two cents about the election, so I thought I'd do the same. (On a side note, Joe & Jane kind of remind me of those joke book titles that I heard as a kid, in Boys' Life and Highlights...You Can Be A Millionaire by Rob A. Bank, How To Skydive by Hugo First...I'm A Real American by Joe Siskpak. But I digress.)

I had always been an Obama supporter, though for the most part I didn't have anything against McCain. Until Sarah Palin showed up on the scene. (On another side note, while I thoroughly enjoyed Tina Fey's impersonations, I'm very much relieved that we won't need her to do it again.)



The night before the election, I was so keyed up that I had trouble falling asleep. When I did, I dreamt that McCain won the election in an upset, and there was footage on CNN of Sarah Palin laughing maniacally. I woke up, panicked, and shook Ben awake.

"Hey!"

"ajaklrng...."

"HEY!"

"...what?"

"What day is it?"

"um, Tuesday...."

"OK, wait...is Tuesday just starting or has it ended?"

"What?"

"Who won the election?"

"...what?"

"Who won the election??"

"It's 4 in the morning...the polls aren't even open yet...."

"Oh, ok. Sorry. Go back to sleep."


I awoke for the second time a few hours later, ready for the day to start. But since I had to wait for the polls to start closing before I could get any results, I spent most of the day job hunting on the computer. At 4, Ben and I left for the Obama Campaign for Change centre in Birmingham (MI, that is) to help canvass the neighbourhood. We spent the better part of 3 hours knocking on doors - with a quick break for dinner at Olga's - following up with supporters to see if they had voted yet. Quite a few people weren't home, and if Ben hadn't been with me, and if it hadn't been in Birmingham, I would have been very nervous with the sudden onset of darkness and utter lack of streetlights. But the evening passed uneventfully (though we did see roughly 258905 cats wandering the streets, and I briefly toyed with the idea of switching lawn signs and giving a McCain supporter an Obama sign, giving the Obama supporter one of each) and we went back home to wait for some incoming results. We started watching ABC (because I loooooove George Stephanopoulous - and I apologize if I butchered the spelling) and became increasingly excited as Obama's numbers grew. At 10 we switched over to Comedy Central for their special with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It was funny, though somewhat disappointing as they were giving results we had already heard on ABC (I ended up going to abc.com and obsessively refreshing the page). Then Jon Stewart said those unforgettable words:

"As of 11:00 PM, Eastern Standard Time, the next President of the United States will be Barack Obama."

I started jumping up and down and hugged Ben. Jack, thinking it was a game, tried to squeeze in between us and then started chasing his tail in a bizzarre victory dance.

The rest of the night will live forever in my memory. I gave Jack a celebratory cooky that I had bought from a dog bakery at Great Lakes Crossing Mall, talked on the phone with Spenser during McCain's concession speech (which, I must say...I feel sorry for him. I know, I know, he's a Republican, he supported the war, blah blah blah...I still feel sorry for him and wish him the best. Sarah Palin can go kiss a moose.), and then listened with rapt attention to Obama's victory speech and wished so much that we were in Grant Park. Obama gives me a sense of hope and optimism that has been rare for me since I have been out of a full-time job. I know he has a long uphill climb in front of him, but I believe he can draw America together so we can help eachother get out of this mess we've been swamped in.
And I know one thing's for sure - come January 20th, I have *every* intention of being in Washington DC.

my mom made me do this

holy hell, this still works!

Well, for any of you who still check this, I have somewhat returned to the Land of the Gainfully Employed - I am working 2 part-time jobs at Somerset Collection in Troy. I have an orientation meeting at Hollister tomorrow morning. My job title there is 'model', but basically it's a standard sales associate; you just have to be attractive to do it. The uggos stay in the stockroom. My other job starts Thursday, working at the Limited. I don't know what my discount is with Hollister, but I get 40% off at the Limited. =)


I'll try to be better about updating this more often, though I can pretty well guarantee that it won't be on a daily basis.

Wrapped Up In Books

As promised, here is the meme Rachel tagged me in a few days ago....


Rules -
Pick up the nearest book.
Turn to page 123.
Find the 5th sentence.
Copy down the next three sentences.
Pass it along.


So my lines are from You Suck by Christopher Moore. My dad suggested it yesterday, and gave me a copy for my trip, but I haven't started it yet.

"I'm not intimidated - because I know that her boobs are fake. And it's so obvious that they hunt the nosferatu that it's not even funny. Inside, I was like: 'Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyr hunter!'"


.......


........


........




What has my dad just given me??
o_O



Oh, and I guess as far as 'passing it along' goes, I will open it to all interested parties, since I'm not sure who may have done this one before. If you haven't, do it! It only takes a few moments, and as my entry indicates, the results can be pretty entertaining....

The Sound of Settling

Dearest blogbuds,

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. For as much as I'd like to attribute my absence to landing a job, alas, this is not so. But I have been applying like mad, so it's only a matter of time...right??


I am back in Michigan on a semi-permanent basis (excluding a visit to family this weekend, and of course I would move back to Illinois if I got hired there!) with my parents. I have not spent considerable time here since before graduating high school - I spent my college summers working at a Boy Scout camp about 50 miles north - and it is a somewhat surreal experience. I keep expecting to see familiar faces in the area, though in fact most of my graduating class has left for greener pastures.

This morning my dad and I went for a walk around town. It was quite pleasant (though not nearly as much as yesterday's walk, since it was much more humid today). Part of our wanderings included a stroll down a bike path that follows a creek running through town. I remember wading in it with Frank and Spenser, picking up freshwater clams and prising them open to look for pearls (I did, once, find two pearl-ish growths embedded in the inner wall of a shell), nervously chasing crayfish, and watching the seemingly overnight influx of Japanese water snails, which we took home and put in a fish tank. We saw a great blue heron on both days of our walk, watching us imperviously from the middle of the creek. Though I admit, ever since I saw these pictures (first 3), I've been somewhat creeped out by them.


I promise to make more regular appearances, though as I mentioned before, I'll be travelling for most of the weekend, leaving tomorrow, so if nothing else, expect a long update Monday or Tuesday! I also promise to get to Rachel's meme, and I'll be spending some time catching up on everyone's blogs. Thanks for waiting! =)

The Hero Dies In This One

As I leave here today, apartment 108
I'll always keep you in my heart.
Anderson is cold tonight,
The leaves are scattered on the ground.
I miss the seasons,
And the comfort of your smile.

Sometimes this all feels like a dream.
I'm waiting for someone to just wake me up,
From this life.

As I look out at these fairgrounds,
I remember how our family split apart.
I don't think I ever told you,
But I know you always did your best.
And the hard times,
They only made us stronger.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm supposed to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can't let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

Do you ever feel like crying?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
I raise my hands up towards the sky,
I say this prayer for you tonight,
Because nothing is impossible.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm supposed to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can't let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

(The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be, it's being content with who we are.)

Stay who you are.

This Is Not An Exit

ookkay...I hope everyone out there enjoyed their holiday weekends.

As much as I'd like to say that I stuffed myself silly, got drunk and played with fireworks...my brain had other ideas.

To make a long and painful story short, the firework gods frowned on me and decided that July 4th of this year should be my inauguration into OH MY %*$%ING GOD THAT REALLY HURTS Land. In other words, I got a migraine. Now I knew they run in my mom's side of the family. I knew that they could be quite dehabiliating. But I was completely unprepared for the crushing pain that would focus on my left temple and have me dry heave until I nearly choked. There I was, sprawled on the bathroom floor in the basement of my sister's house, while a party (yes, dear god, a PARTY. With noise. And shouting. And stomping.) raged upstairs. I wanted to die, or at least kill the source of the noise.

Instead, I was half-carried, half-dragged out of the house (pausing every few feet to spread bile liberally on the lawn) to my dad's car and driven to the hospital. I don't recall much of the ride (the very act of lifting my head to the moving window made everything feel 9025823 times worse), but we made it just fine, with minimal vomiting. I had a CAT scan done (after they made me take a pregnancy test, much to my father's embarrassment. And I couldn't even walk to the bathroom for the test, so I had to be placed in a wheelchair! More fun.) and they put in an IV to replace my fluids.

Now, I consider myself to be a fairly tough and resilient person. At age 3, I fractured my skull just below my right ear. I have also sprained an ankle, wrist and thumb (don't ask! I didn't even know it was possible!) and got it in the head with a rock less than an inch away from my eye. I have had blood drawn on countless occasions, bone marrow tests, bleeding times, and so on. Not much fazes me anymore. But this...this was different. This stopped my world, my very being. For those of you who have ever had migraines, you have my sincerest sympathies. And if you haven't, I am truly envious. I feel pretty much back to normal these days, the Vicodin helped a LOT, but now that I know I am a 'migraine sufferer' - as I've heard the term used in commercials - I am now hyper-alert to any sign or twitch of something being off, something telling me I'm on the inexorable road to a migraine.

Definitely *not* how I wanted to spend my Independence Day.

Though on a brighter note, my Jennypendence Day was just fine!

I Wanna Be Sedated

So I'm not sure what to make of this 'Twitter' business. Rachel uses it, as does the author of one of my favourite webcomics, but I don't know if it's for me. I mean, I do make use of the status application on facebook pretty regularly, but I'm not sure if I need to use yet another webthing (besides blogger, facebook, twentysomethingbloggers, and myspace...ok, I'm seriously considering deleting the last one). Besides, right now my life is definitely not exciting enough to require such frequent updates:


8:00 AM - wake up

8:15 AM - morning ab workout

9:00 AM - breakfast

9:30 AM - shower

10:30 AM - 12:30 PM - playing with Diana, on the internets for job searches, plus blogging and facebook

1:00 PM - lunch

1:30 PM - 5:30 PM - more internets, playing with Diana, the pool (if it's nice out)

6:00 PM - dinner

6:30 PM - 8:30 PM - playing with Diana (seeing a pattern here?)

8:30 PM - 10:00 PM - internets, phone with Ben

10:00 PM - The Daily Show

10:30 PM - The Colbert Report (heh, though Ben says I'm 'not allowed' to watch it any more...sheesh, you have one little sex dream about Stephen Colbert.... ;)

11:00 PM - 12:00 AM - 2 episodes of Home Improvement

12:00 AM - internets until I get tired....


So yeah, that's my day. I think I'll hold off on Twitter until I get a job.

Brown-Eyed Girl

Signs that You Have Been Spending A Lot of Time With Diana:

- you are perfectly accepting of a cake with just about any ingredient
- you are used to carrying around a stuffed armadillo and speaking in a Southern accent
- you dread the sound of whistling
- you know who Goo-Goo is
- you know that anything you own is now hers (like my dog)
- you have memorized several episodes of Clifford the Big Red Dog and the Doodlebops
- you understand that answering 'why' the fire engine is red will turn into a philosophical discussion about the meaning of life
- you know that anything you say is likely to be repeated at an awkward moment
- you are now adjusted to her sleeping schedule (though you take advantage of it and rest while she naps)
- you know that it is possible to run the bases 100 times in less than a minute
- you are used to naming everything in the house (such as cat toys)
- you know that nothing you are doing is as important as what she wants RIGHT NOW (not that she's whiny...just very persistent)
- you know that Mickey Mouse Club House is the best website, ever
- you know all of the Cedar Point roller coaster videos by heart


and lastly, but most importantly....

you have the urge to make an announcement every time you fart!



hehe!

Thankyou

Well as my last post was a bit of a downer, I decided to take a page from bayjb's book...er...screen from her blog? and make a list of things for which I am grateful:

- my health
- the ability to work (hey, I may not have a job at the moment, but I at least am able to look for work and I'm capable of just about anything)
- Ben <3 (and knowing that he is only a phone call away)
- my family, for being there when I needed them most and taking me in
- being well-fed
- my dog Jack (the one constant in my life)
- sunny days
- the colour pink
- free trial gym memberships
- chocolate
- the Daily Show and the Colbert Report
- my blog buddies (yes, you!)
- my music
- new lipgloss
- having a car that gets 28 mpg in the city and 32 highway (I may not have a lot of money, so at least I'm not spending it all on gas!)
- Sonic Drive-Ins
- pink lemonade
- living in the Midwest...be it Illinois or Michigan, I love this area!
- being short
- Vanilla Coke

I could probably go on and on, but I've done enough to where my mood has been brightened considerably. Think about your own lists...it really works!

Wild, the Beautiful and the Damned

Hello to everyone in blogland (especially those whom I met for the first time last night)...I have decided to grace you all with an update. The job hunt is still chugging along, though I haven't had any calls yet. Right now I'm focusing on jobs in the Chicago area and Michigan, and I'm pretty optimistic about a few of them.

My more immediate concern (other than bills, obviously) is my lack of a permanent place to live. Unfortunately due to various reasons - Jack being one of them - I can't stay long-term with any of my relatives out in Illinois. My folks don't really want me moving back home, so basically I have two alternatives: either be shuffled around like a foster child (where each of my foster families loves me and takes care of me, but I have no true sense of home), or move in with my boyfriend's parents, neither of which are particularly attractive options.

Now I certainly don't mean to sound ungrateful...I know no one HAS to take me in, and Rachel & Dan have been incredibly nice in letting me stay with them, especially while they are, um...trying to have a baby and...wanting to do the things that are necessary to have a baby....

But I still can't shake the feeling that I am being a burden, and I know I will feel that no matter who I end up living with, until I am in a position where I can pay my own way.

I'm not exactly crazy about the idea of moving in with Ben's parents because he is working at camp for the summer (won't be around, in other words), and so there is a certain amount of awkwardness there. Not to mention the fact that watching your boyfriend's dad beat the shit out of your boyfriend is slightly off-putting. But on the other hand, they already have a nice bedroom set up with my own things (from the apartment), and they are more than willing to take in Jack.

So....in conclusion...I'm not sure what to do. And I have to make a decision soon, because I'm going to need a part-time job to pay my bills.

*sigh*


On a completely separate note, Frank is awesome. Thanks for coming over and bringing soup! I owe you one! (...when I have some money, that is.)

All You Need Is Me

So after many requests (....OK, so really just one. From my mom.) for a new post, I have decided to oblige. However, since not much has happened lately - still unemployed, still broke - I'm gonna take the easy way out and just do a meme. This will inform you of my awesomeness and inspire you to continue reading my blog, even when I have boring patches. Enjoy!


Four jobs I've had:
1. district exec for the boy scouts
2. ecology/conservation director at a boy scout summer camp
3. sorter of cutlery at a Cornell dining hall
4. water slide test pilot (heh, I wish!)

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Super Troopers
2. Boondock Saints
3. Robin Hood (Disney version)
4. Donnie Darko

Four places I've lived:
1. Trenton, MI
2. Ithaca, NY
3. Wheaton, IL
4. Metamora, MI

Four TV shows I love:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. NCIS
3. The Daily Show
4. Dirty Jobs

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Paris
2. the Florida Keys
3. Phoenix
4. Cedar Point

Four of my favourite dishes:
1. chocolate-covered strawberries
2. Ben's veggie fried rice
3. my mom's Italian beef
4. salmon cooked just about any way

Four sites I visit daily:
1. .......well, blogger, DUH
2. facebook
3. Questionable Content
4. cyanide and happiness

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Cedar Point
2. D-A Scout Ranch
3. in the lap of luxury
4. uhm....not....in debt?

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. Rachel (ha!)
2. Frank
3. JenBun
4. Mom (there you go! a topic for your first post!)


do it.....do it....do it....DO IT

Everybody Eats When They Come To My House

I have been spending quite a bit of time lately with my niece Diana. She is taking my vagrancy as a sign that I am to become her permanent playmate. Well, I *am* living in her playroom, after all. I don't mind, though. I think it's a nicely positive spin to put on the whole situation.

'No, I'm not unemployed and homeless. I'm an au pair!'

Diana's current favourite game is 'making' birthday cakes for various animals - her stuffed cat, my dog Jack, and most recently Clifford the Big Red Dog. Diana sits with a box and a wooden spoon and instructs me to retrieve various ingredients from her toy fridge. Her cakes are part realistic ingredients, part based on the picture of groceries on the inside of the fridge, and part whatever random plastic food is in sight. For example, Clifford's cake consisted of:

22 eggs (she kept sending me back for more, usually in the quantity of "five and two and one")
9 cupcakes
honey
strawberries
sugar
milk
a piece of Swiss cheese
a slice of pizza



.........and beer


"You want me to get beer?"

"Yes."

[pause]

"Um, how old is Clifford?"

"He's really big."

"I know, but how old is he?"

"Ummm.....four million."

[a longer pause]

".......OK, well I guess he's legal."


I'm trying to get her outside more often.

Gimme Some Truth

OK folks, I guess it's time to clear up the rumours. I am said vagrant living in Rachel's basement...at least until Thursday. To make a somewhat long and painful story short, I have found out certain things about my boyfriend's family that have complicated our plans. I don't really want to get into all the details, but I'm keeping a positive outlook as best I know how. In the meantime I plan to take a break from blogging for about a week or so to get things sorted out.

Take care, everyone.

Oh, and many thanks to Rachel, Frank and Jenbun for their support! You guys are awesome!

Help!

gruigoagn agjiojtreg AAUUUUUGGGHHH PACKING!!!!!!!!

There will be a real post. One of these days. As soon as I can surface from these boxes.


grr.....

The Tension and the Terror

Frank and I spent the day yesterday at Rachel's and she was kind enough to feed us and take me grocery shopping (many thanks again!). Today I have spent the majority of my time packing (there is visible progress now) and watching a CSI marathon on SpikeTV. But I figured rather than boring you with the mundane details of my day, I would instead share with you a story that took place a few years ago...


Spring Break, my junior year of college. I was at my parents' house for a few days before travelling on to Chicago. I'd been milking it for all it's worth, staying out late with friends still in the area, and sleeping in until the early afternoon.

On this particular weekday, I had woken up on the early side (10:00...c'mon, that IS early for spring break!). My parents were both at work, and my youngest brother Spenser was in class at Trenton High, a few blocks away. (For those who are wondering, Frank was still in Illinois, as our colleges' breaks didn't coincide.) Around 11:30 I decided to take a shower, and dutifully locked all the doors. I don't like feeling vulnerable while I'm naked. I had just locked the front door when I heard someone outside the house. I debated for a moment on checking, then decided whoever it was could come back later. Probably just UPS anyway.

Then the backdoor received a vicious pounding. Definitely not 'UPS! I need a signature!' Nope, this sounded ANGRY. More of the 'OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I'LL @%&#ING KILL YOU!' variety. I froze. I considered calling out to find out who it was, but I was too terrified.
I waited in the hallway, breathless, and then things were silent. I tried to shake it off and got ready for the shower. (Side note: Whenever I am really scared I pretend my niece is with me and so I have to act brave so she won't know how frightened I am. Also, I sing songs from her favourite TV shows.) I was safely in the shower, but only a few lines into Dora the Explorer's 'We Did It!' song when to my horror there was that same angry knocking on the bathroom window, right next to me. The window is made of those thick glass blocks that distort everything (obviously so no one can see in), but this also meant I couldn't see out. I only knew that there was an extremely pissed-off stranger in my backyard, and that I was home alone, and naked.

So I did what any self-respecting girl would do. I called my daddy.

I wrapeed my hair in a bright orange towel (my parents are inordinately fond of colourful towels, bless them) and threw on my dad's blue fleece robe with a Superman logo on the back. My dad asked if I wanted him to call the police. I said I wasn't sure. Then came the loudest banging yet, on the dining room window. I wanted to be brave, to scream 'GO AWAY!' but my voice died in my throat. In tears I told my dad to call the police. I remained in the hallway (far removed from doors and windows), cowering, terrified while hating myself for it. After a few minutes' time, I crept to the front window to peek through the blinds and saw a squad car pulling in front of my house, to my immense relief. As I eased open the front door and stepped halfway onto the porch, the officer began walking up the driveway, talking to the person who was hidden from my sight around the corner of the house. 'Excuse me, what's going on here?' the officer asked.

'My sister locked me out of the house, and I can't get in,' said a very familiar voice.
I immediately stuck my head around the corner and saw an extremely sheepish-looking Spenser. I was so relieved he wasn't a burglar I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. The policeman went on his way (and probably had a good laugh at my expense. You're welcome.) Apparently Spenser had walked the two blocks home during his lunch period to grab some money to get food from the Little Caesar's that was next to the school. Of course, all he would have had to do is call my name, or announce himself, or say just about ANYthing and I would have recognized his voice. Though by that same token, if I had asked 'Who is it?' then this whole mess could have been avoided.

Then again, if I had done that, I would have been at a loss for a story today....

Here Comes the Sun

I took my dog for a walk today, and it was fairly warm out, so I wore shorts. It was only then that I noticed how disturbingly pale my legs are. In fact, they've shot so far past pale that they're practically translucent. You can see veins and everything. Ugh.

Now in general, I like my body. I have a pretty good figure, if I don't say so myself. And I know that 'pale is the new tan' (what does that even MEAN?), and that going tanning increases your risk of skin cancer, and all that. I know these things. But still, when I am getting out of the shower and being confronted by Narnia's White Queen in the mirror (I thought about saying Casper the Friendly Ghost, then realised what an unflattering comparison that would be. At least the White Queen isn't quite so shapeless.), it kind of gets to me. I'm so self-conscious about it that I usually don't even wear shorts if I can get away with it.

I know, I know. I'm vain. And this problem is easily remedied enough. But I'm not laying out in my bikini because I *hate* tanlines (the ridiculous tanlines I would get from working summer camp in a Boy Scout uniform were absolutely intolerable). I don't want white boobs and a white butt. And besides that, I would need to spend $100 to get the keycard so I can access the pool in my apartment. $100!? Seriously!? If I had that kind of money to blow I would just go tanning in a salon!

For now I have settled for a bottle of Dove self-tanner that I had purchased last summer but didn't use much. Here's hoping it doesn't turn me orange...I would be crushed if I ended up looking like Lisa.

Sympathy for the Martyr

On Saturday I went downtown with Rachel, Dan, Diana and Dan's family. It was good times, check out her blog for some photos. I took some as well, but you won't see them because A- my camera is essentially the digital equivalent of a disposable, and B- I can't be bothered to upload photos from my camera except every couple months or so. I just posted pictures on my facebook from September. I am photographically lazy.

The Next Food Network Star was on last night. There was no Lisa-related drama (she actually was one of two winners of the day's challenge), but Nipa had this big prima donna meltdown. Toward the end of the show, when they were critiquing the contestants' presentation style and dish, they were somewhat focusing on Nipa (though not being overly harsh), and she abruptly said that she couldn't do this anymore and left the room. Everyone, judges included, looked completely dumbfounded. It was pretty amusing.

So she went back to her room, pouted for about 5 minutes, and came back (most everyone was still standing around looking confused, though some people were defending her). Then the judges slowly narrowed the contestants down to Nipa and Kevin...and Nipa FREAKING STAYED! They let her stay! At that point I began to seriously doubt the wisdom of these so-called 'judges'. She just seems like such a bitch. Maybe they just felt sorry for her. Well, I don't. She is almost the exact opposite of the type of person I would watch as a cooking show host.
I'll have to see what happens next Sunday...I just may end up switching to Hell's Kitchen. Gordon Ramsay doesn't take shit from anyone.

New American Classic

For his birthday, Ben got the Simpsons game for our XBox 360. I'm not much of a gamer, myself (Marvel Alliance being about the only exception), but I must say that the Simpsons game is without a doubt the funniest video game I've seen. I've spent the last few evenings watching Ben play - I didn't join him initially as I was engrossed in a book about Robert Wadlow, the world's tallest man - and I can't wait to try it out myself. It borrows from several games, including Pokemon, Space Invaders (yes, the original), Grand Theft Auto, and a sort of Guitar Hero/Dance Dance Revolution crossover. It was endlessly entertaining, even just to watch. You play all of the Simpsons family at different levels throughout the game, and near the end you battle the Creator, Matt Groening himself (with whom I share a birthday, by the way) who sends none other Zoidberg and Bender to protect him.

In closing, a few memorable quotes from the game:

'I drink the blue juice under the sink!' Ralph Wiggum

'I can't believe you forgot our names! You've known us since we were born!' Bart & Lisa
'Yeah, but it's not like we're thinking about you all the time.' Lenny

'Where is Smithers? My eyeballs haven't been moistened in minutes.' Mr Burns

'I wish I could transform into a giant car that flies, and kicks everyone because it has kung fu feet!' Nelson

'I won't eat sushi. Unless it's covered in chocolate, and there's no sushi in it.' Homer

'Bart! You'll have to fight him! I'm too drunk to!' Homer

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Well, on Rachel's orders, I am making a list of 100 facts about me. I'm not planning to tag anyone else, however, so this particular chain will be a dead end here. Hopefully this won't take too terribly long, and I won't scar you with my revelations.

Enjoy!

1. I am left-handed.
2. I worry that I will never find a job I enjoyed as much as working at Boy Scout summer camp.
3. While living in Michigan/New York, I used to think of Illinois as home. Now that I'm here, I realize that Michigan is my home, and always will be.
4. I regret not running cross country in college.
5. I made the Dean's List my final semester at Cornell.
6. I once had fire engine red hair.
7. I don't regret leaving my last job.
8. I regret losing the income.
9. I have seriously considered joining the Navy.
10. I enjoyed high school a lot more than college.
11. I stand up for what I believe in.
12. I am very much my father's daughter, in that I am a very laid-back kind of person.
13. I am frightened of centipedes.
14. I only care about politics as it relates to the environment and gas prices.
15. I will never understand how airplanes can fly.
16. I want to learn how to drive a motorcycle.
17. I want to eventually own a motorcycle.
18. I wish I understood my youngest brother better.
19. I am a relentless optimist.
20. I hate when people bite down on their cutlery while eating.
21. I enjoy washing dishes.
22. I don't like any other kind of housework.
23. I am both scared and excited about the future.
24. I am told I do an excellent Eminem impression.
25. I am less confident than I appear.
26. I miss camping.
27. I have an incredibly poor sense of direction.
28. I can laugh at just about any situation (even when inappropriate).
29. I absolutely *love* that Bridgestone commercial where all the animals are screaming.
30. I could watch NCIS and Grey's all day.
31. Sometimes I do.
32. I have a slightly crooked front tooth that intermittently annoys me.
33. I can't wait to start running again (once I can afford new shoes).
34. I was briefly a member of the Wheaton Rotary Club.
35. I have a scar next to my right eye from a rock.
36. I love the colour pink.
38. I absolutely love reading. I will start a book and stay up all night until it's done.
39. I love the Civil War.
40. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.
41. I drive a red Subaru Impreza.
42. I want to trade in my car for a Dodge Caliber.
43. I only swear when I'm really mad.
44. I always want to live somewhere where I can see the fall colours.
45. I have been to France twice.
46. I had my first cigarette in France.
47. I like Coke much more than Pepsi.
48. I once had my cell phone run over by a minivan.
49. I have had bouts of depression ever since I became unemployed.
50. I still believe things will get better for me.
51. I had some amazing (and huge) margaritas in Texas.
52. I have bottle fed a baby squirrel.
53. I am a very patient person.
54. I have one tattoo, and no desire for more.
55. My favourite wings from B-Dubs are Mango Habanero.
56. I accidentally deleted this fact while fixing some typos, and I don't remember what it said (see #69).
57. I really want to visit Disney World again.
58. My favorite beer is Guiness Draught.
59. I wish That 70's Show was still on.
60. I love David Sedaris.
61. I would like to visit London someday.
62. If I could eat poutine everyday (and not die), I would.
63. I'm not sure what all the hype is about bacon.
64. The Millennium Force is my favourite roller coaster.
65. I want to do a cross-country road trip.
66. I get pretty handsy when I'm drunk.
67. I used to play the drums and the oboe.
68. I once faked being able to play the trumpet so I could 'play' during graduation and see my best friend walk.
69. I am worrisomely absent-minded.
70. I love Canada.
71. I have had my driver's licence for less than a year, and have been hit twice.
72. I have over 4,000 songs on my iTunes.
73. I have met Bill Nye 3 times.
74. I fractured my skull at age 3 (and had the audacity to do it on Rachel's birthday).
75. I love hookah.
76. I have been told that I look like Catherine Willows from CSI.
77. I don't believe them.
78. I think Macs are awesome, and I want to get a Macbook.
79. I believe we need to do more to slow global warming.
80. I haven't yet figured out where God fits in my life.
81. I don't see the appeal of 'Lost'.
82. A Knight's Tale is one of my favourite movies.
83. I cried when Heath Ledger died.
84. I have days when I feel like I look pretty.
85. I know I am capable of more than I am.
86. I am the go-to person for wildlife questions.
87. Fish Ecology was my favourite class in college.
88. I don't have many close friends, but the ones I am close to, I am very close.
89. Most of this is because of distance.
90. I am terrible at returning emails, facebook messages, and the like.
91. I can be very stubborn.
92. I hate people who talk on their cell phones as if they're on a helicopter.
93. I like to stay with things through their completion.
94. I once fainted during high school play rehearsal due to dehydration and exhaustion.
95. I love listening to music, no matter what I'm doing.
96. The Beatles are my favourite band.
97. I have never seen E.T.
98. My proudest moment in running was beating Allen Park my junior year in the 4x4 at the League Meet, which we then won. Martie Wagoner and I were puking in the grass next to eachother.
99. I am still learning.
100. I have a headache, and now I'm going to bed.

Start!

Last night Ben and I watched the series premiere of 'Next Food Network Star'. I had never watched the show before, but after a week or so of commercials, along with the fact that I am a fan of Guy Fieri's 'Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives' (he was the first winner of the show), I had decided to give it a chance.

Well, it was great. It fulfilled that henceforth unknown void in my life of food and drama ('Iron Chef America' comes close, but the characters aren't as entertaining). 10 contestants arrived on the scene, and I knew instantly who I was going to like (and hate). I won't bother giving a rundown on each person - that would take wayy too long, and most of the people are too nondescript at this point. I need to give them more time to distinguish themselves.
However, thus far, here is my list of people to watch:

Shane: prodigy who is the youngest graduate of the Culinary Institute of America (18). He has some potential, but might be too overemotional. He actually cried while Bobby Flay et al. were criticizing his dish (and not unkindly, I might add).

Lisa: holy crap. This woman obviously has no real friends, or else they would not have let her appear on national television with such a brilliantly orange skin tone. Both Alton Brown and I find her extremely irritating and her culinary "point of view" was quite confusing. Something to do with "fashion food" and her "3 C's". Yawn. Still, she could prove to be one of those people you love to hate. She was at the bottom two at the end of the first episode, so she may not be around long enough to grow on me.

Nepa: She was born in India, but for the first challenge, she made a curried potato dish that was curiously devoid of curry. She also seems astonishingly overconfident, to the point of arrogance (though Bobby Flay called her out on that!). She claimed to not be afraid at all when presenting her dish to a roomful of Food Network stars. Seriously?! I mean, if she wasn't nervous, she's either emotionally dead or just kidding herself.

That's all for now - those are the notables who stuck with me. The best part was watching everyone come in to present their dishes. Everyone (except Nepa, apparently) looked pretty nervous, and with good reason. Just about everyone was there - Sandra Lee (probably good to party with - a bit of a lush - but I wouldn't eat her food), Bobby Flay, Paula Deen, the Neelys, Morimoto, Alton Brown, and 2 other judges. I would have killed to be at that table.
I'd much rather have been seated than be presenting food. I like to think of myself as a fairly decent cook, but I don't do it often enough to where I could think of a recipe off the top of my head and make it within a half hour. "Hi, thanks for having me here. I'd like to present my dish....pepperoni Hotpockets."

Next week they are facing a challenge with Robert Irvine, which to me, would be one SERIOUSLY nerve-wracking challenge. He can be a very frightening man, and he's huge. Ben commented that he wouldn't want to face Robert because he could beat me up. I pointed out that Bobby Flay could probably beat me up, if he so desired (though he seems pretty laid-back and not all about the ass kicking), and that Robert was infinitely more scary.
I'll be following the show throughout the summer, so you'll at least get weekly updates!

Stranger Things Have Happened

I have a confession to make.

I'm addicted to trashy TV shows. And I mean trashy. I love Cheaters, Maury, and Jerry Springer, mostly because they make me feel so much better about my own life (which normally I like just fine, except for the whole unemployment = no money = no new pretties for me). Every time I see a woman on TV, almost invariably poor and undereducated, bawling away because she doesn't know who her baby daddy is, I can't help but smile. I believe the Germans refer to this feeling as schafenfreude.

Since I am unemployed and have no money, I can only take pleasure in the little things in life, such as not having a philandering or abusive significant other, and that none of my family members are sleeping with each other. There is nothing like hearing the saga of a woman who doesn't know if her child's father is her husband or mom's fiance to light a fire under my ass and get those resumes flying out of my printer. There's just something incredibly satisfying about watching a real-life drama unfold before you from the safety of your couch and knowing that there is no way it can affect you.

That's not entirely the case for my family, however. Three of my mom's sisters visited the Jerry Springer Show (as AUDIENCE MEMBERS, my dear readers, not GUESTS!), and while I have never watched the footage of this particular episode, I am reliably informed that at least one of my aunts is visible during the show. She stood up to address one of the guests on stage, a woman with violently and patently fake orange hair.

'Hey, you, with the Bozo hair!'

The rest of her scathing remark was drowned out by howls of outrage from the people on stage, and cheers from the audience. The insulted guest lunged for my aunt, so quickly that she later said she didn't even realize what was happening until the muscle-bound security officers moved to intercept. They successfully dragged the woman off, probably accompanied by a string of epithets that would make a sailor blush. As far as I know, the remainder of the episode passed without incident - nothing in which my relatives played a part, at least. After the show, Jerry Springer went around greeting some of the guests, and arrived at my aunts. My aunt (wanting just a little more drama...what can I say? It runs in the family), after meeting Jerry, helpfully pointed out that her older sister next to her was single. Jerry then took her hand, kissed it, and said, "I'm rich," in the manner of an adult trying to entice a child with a particularly tasty treat. The idea of him being my uncle, for as entertaining as I find him, makes my skin crawl.

My aunt has since married, and I am grateful for the near escape. Admittedly, if he had become family, I would never be lost for tasteless entertainment again, and I could have spent my days mercilessly heckling guests while peering from behind the security guards. But I don't think the sacrifice would have been worth it. Once someone like that becomes family, that television carnival changes from being a source of great amusement to downright mortifying.

Still, if I ever decide to visit Jerry Springer or a similar show, I have no intentions of keeping my mouth shut...but I draw the line at marriage.

Oh Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)

After much deliberation and hemming and hawing on my part, we have decided to move back to Michigan. I figured that it would be less stressful to not have to worry about rent & utilities while we get back on our feet. I wish we didn't have to move so far away from my family, especially Diana, and Ben certainly isn't crazy about moving back in with his parents (it has to be his versus mine since my folks won't take in Jack), but I'm really excited about being near old friends again.

Other things I love about Michigan:
- 10 cents on bottle returns (you get nothing in Illinois)
- general familiarity with the area
- Greenfield Village (Ben has never been there, and I have soooo many wonderful childhood - memories from their Discovery Camp day camp)
- closer proximity to Cedar Point
- 70 mph speed limits on the highway!
- more than one store chain that sells Faygo soda (honestly, I'd be lost without their orange soda)
- being a hop skip and a jump from Windsor (and Patrick O'Ryan's bar)
- being able to watch Pistons, Red Wings, and U of M football games without fail
- not too far from Chicago so we can still make weekend visits
- finally making it to a Tigers game at Comerica
- good snowboarding prospects

Yes, I am fully aware of Michigan's economic state, but let me assure you, the Chicago suburbs are not faring much better...at least as far as I can tell from my searches on careerbuilder.com and monster.com
I of course won't be ruling out a return to the Land of Lincoln if an employment opportunity presents itself. But I'll be hanging in Troy for the time being.

Every Dog Has Its Day

For most of my childhood I have wanted a dog.  This desire was fueled primarily by the book Where the Red Fern Grows, and by my dad's absolute refusal to get one.  In hindsight, his logic was sound.  Our home was quite small (a starter home with three bedrooms that ended up housing six people), with a correspondingly small yard.  In addition, we traveled frequently.  Yet the thought was never entirely far from my mind.

While on a business trip in Texas this past November, a number of my colleagues got to talking about family pets.  When I mentioned having always wanted a dog, my roommate asked, "Well, why don't you get one?"  With a thrill of realization, I thought, why not?  I was living on my own for the first time, and my boyfriend Ben had recently lost his cat to feline leukemia.  

Upon my return, we visited several pet stores, and considered buying a gorgeous boxer puppy (but balked at her $1200 price tag), before ultimately deciding on a male golden retriever puppy.  He caught my eye at the pet store, lying in the window with the side of his face pressed up against the glass, much like I used to do to help pass the boredom of long car rides.  I named him Jack.  It has been a trying few months, but I would not trade them for the world.  Particularly now that I am unemployed, he is my constant companion while Ben is at work.  Even now, as I type this, he is under my left arm, nudging insistently to get me off the computer and go play.  He is adorable, playful, rarely moody, and I love him.