Beautiful Boy

Aah, yes.  Updating on a computer is much better.

Now where was I? Oh, yes.  I was going to tell you about the birth of my son, Finn.

For those of you who don't know, I have a minor bleeding disorder - in essence, my spleen does not recognize my platelets and so sends out antibodies to have them destroyed.  As a result, I have, on average, about a third as many platelets as the average adult.  I'm not a hemophiliac, or anything like that, and for most of my life it hasn't caused me the slightest inconvenience.  When Ben & I decided to start a family, though, we played it safe and spoke to our doctor first.  He said there wouldn't be much to be concerned about, provided my platelet levels stayed more or less at their current level (which they had been at for the past few years), though there was a small (roughly 10% chance) that I would pass on the disorder to the baby.

Shortly after this conversation, we found out we were expecting!  Aside from some rather terrible morning sickness for the duration of the first trimester (pro tip: if you are feeling at all nauseated, stay the hell away from raw carrots and broccoli.  They're far and away the worst thing I have EVER had the misfortune to get sick from, and I still shy away from them now.) we were doing monthly platelet counts, and all was well.  You may have suspected, though, by my even mentioning the disorder, that things weren't going to stay that way....

So at more or less the last minute (around 36 weeks) I was informed that I would not be delivering at the Naval Hospital where we had been going to all of our appointments, but at Madigan Army Medical Center in Tacoma, about an hour's drive from us.  Having been there before (to see a hematologist, no less) I was ok with it in principle, though the idea of driving an hour - potentially longer in traffic -whilst in labor, was very unsettling.

Then my platelets started to drop. Precipitously. Ben and I made drives to Madigan for two 6-hour IV treatments, neither of which worked (in the doctor's defense, that particular treatment is designed to work slowly, but with my due date being as close as it was, it did not have time to work).  We saw a Maternal Fetal Specialist, consulted again with Hematology, and ultimately they decided I would be induced at 39 weeks to the day.  My platelets were at such a level that I would be unable to have an epidural (I was fine with this, as I did not want one anyway) or a C-section, if I needed one (this made me nervous).  I was also coming down with the flu at this time, despite having received my flu shot, so I felt more than ready.

Ben got us a hotel room in downtown Seattle for our last night before I was admitted, and it was lovely.  They upgraded us to a suite for only $20 (whether that was a standard offer, I don't know, but it was fantastic all the same).  I remember the next morning Ben went out to Pike's Place Market and got me some raspberries, and they were just about the most amazing thing I'd ever eaten.  After breakfast (and a FANTASTIC pedicure), we headed into the hospital, where I was set up on the Mother-Baby Unit.  I remained there for about a day and a half, during which I received another two rounds of the IV treatment, along with steroids, in an effort to boost my platelets.  Ben and I also watched the Ravens win the Super Bowl on the hospital's TV, which was approximately the size of an iPad.

The morning of 6 February, they moved me to the other end of the wing, into a birthing suite to begin the induction.  Contractions started soon after, but it was rather an agonizingly slow process. To help pass the time, we had brought along several DVDs, including 'The Avengers'.  Much to our amusement, the DVD player had somehow been connected incorrectly, to where any DVD we watched appeared in black and white.  I don't remember much else of the day, other than not much happened.
Honestly, from here on out, things get very fuzzy for me.  My second day in labor began, with not much additional progress.  The doctors (of which I saw several, including maternal/fetal specialists, hematologists, and anestheticians) began to get concerned with my blood pressure, which had been steadily rising.  Eventually I was diagnosed with 'HELLP' syndrome.  I don't remember what everything stands for, other than it has something to do with liver enzymes, high blood pressure, & low platelets. I was then placed on magnesium to prevent seizures (and with the steroids and pain meds, I now had 4 IVs), and because of the mag I was on fluid restriction.  By far, this was the worst aspect of my complications.  I was permitted 25 mL of fluid each hour.  I don't have to tell you that's not very much.  With Ben's help, I snuck extra drinks and jello.
That evening, some of our friends came by to see how we were doing.  A nurse came in and was instantly flustered at the extra people in my room (about 6 all told, I believe), and rushed to my beside and spluttered that "these people were going to overstimulate you and give you a seizure!" which was pretty awesome that she felt compelled to alarm me like that, particularly in front of a group of people that were not family...but I digress.  I had another, more powerful contraction at that moment, closing my eyes against the pain.  Ben later told me that the nurse sort of fluttered her hands over me, telling me to just "ride through it".  Then the doctor came back in and checked me to see how far along I was, and at this point I had been pretty well stalled out for the last several hours.  I was then informed that if no progress was made within the hour, they were going to do a C-section.  I looked at Ben, concerned, because that wasn't something we had ever really discussed.  I had been so confident throughout my pregnancy that I would be able to have a regular delivery that my readings on C-sections had been cursory, at best.  When they came back, they discovered that the baby had passed his first BM (hooray...) and that he needed to get out as soon as possible.  Once the decision was made, things moved very quickly.  They got me ready to go and I couldn't stop staring at Ben crying.  I did my best to reassure him but it was hard as I was rather terrified myself.  As they wheeled me down the hall, I asked where my friends were, and a nurse told me they were in the waiting room.  I called out to them as loud as I could (no mean feat, given the terrible cough I had with the flu) to 'FIND BEN! MAKE SURE HE'S OK!'
They wheeled me into the OR and brought my arms out to the side, and I lay there for a few moments while they prepared everything.  And I thought to myself, this is how I die.  I needed to cough so badly, and I could not catch my breath lying on my back with the baby pressing down on me.  A nurse briefly explained the procedure to me, and they went to put an oxygen mask on me.  I jerked my head to the side and blurted out, 'His name's Finn!  The baby's name is Finn.'  Ben and I had made the decision to reveal the baby's gender but not his name until he was born.  But I felt that the way things had spiralled so dramatically out of my control, that it was important to me that my son was greeted in the world by his name.

And that's all I remember of his birth.  Finn spent approximately 18 hours in the NICU, as he was very lethargic from all of the meds I had been given.  We took him home about 2 days after that, and he is now almost 6 months old.  He has 2 bottom teeth, can roll over front to back, and can sit unsupported for a fair period of time.

He was worth every single minute of that pregnancy.